“The slime must be appeased!” – Slime City

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Slime City is the story of Alex, an art student just trying to get some. He rents an apartment from a seemingly sweet old Lizzie to try to sway his girlfriend Lori into ‘sleeping’ over. Roman and Nicole, the building’s other two youth residents take more than a healthy interest in our boy. Nicole practically says ‘Come up and plow me sometime’ and Roman has him over for green pudding and haunted Crème de Methe. Roman explains the goo is Himalayan yogurt made by Lizzie and the wine is made by her dead alchemist father Zachary. Staggering back to his apartment, Alex runs into Nicole. Then they take off their pants and run into each other a few more times. Alex wakes up the next morning covered in slime or possibly melting. He decides to go out for tea and murders a hobo. Before the hobo’s blood is dry, Alex is back to normal. Roman brings by some more goo and Alex hoovers it up. Afterwards, he meets Lori’s parents and ruins dinner with the revelation that he no longer wants to move in with him. He starts to get slimy again and slashes up a prostitute. Finally getting fed up with the slime cycle, Alex confronts Lizzie and Nicole. They reveal he is being fed an elixir and ectoplasmic primer to  allow dear, dead dad, Zachary to take over his body. The rest of Zach’s former cult have taken up residence in Roman, Nicole and neighbor Ruby. Alex swears off the junk, reconciles with Lori and they have sex. Unfortunately, Zachary’s hostile takeover is nearly complete and he attacks Lori. Despite no longer being a virgin, Lori hacks Alex into squirmy little bits and saves herself. After the police investigation, Ruby and Lizzie are attempting to rent Alex’s old place to the detective on the case. BUM BUM BUUUH!

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Alisa Ramone:

Slime City is a low budget classic that has all of key elements necessary to win me over. It was one of those movies that was so bad it was good. They just don’t make movies like this anymore. The only thing missing was a little nudity. I was sad that not even the prostitute gets naked. When you watch as many bad horror movies as we have, you just come to expect it.  The film totally made up for it in the last 15 minutes though!
Despite the cheesy script, the acting was actually pretty good. Robert C. Sabin (Alex) was both a believable monster and boy next door and Mary Huner was a really good choice to play Lori (protagonist)/Nicole (antagonist). Nicole’s wig was pretty distracting though because I didn’t even realize they were the same person until well after the movie was over.  Bob and I were trying to decide if that was due to budget issues or if it was a stylistic choice.
I thought it was really interesting that sex was Alex’s motive for moving into the building and even after he convinced Lori to sleep with him, she still killed him. Typically the devirginizing of a female character makes her less likely to be the last one standing, but not in Slime City. All of the women in this film are in control in some way.  The crazy old ladies try to steal his body on behalf of a cult leader, Nicole seduces him and gets him hooked on Slime and Lori refuses to give into him sexually or emotionally until the end.  I also love the fact the when Alex doesn’t get any sweet lovin’ from Lori, he gets it from Nicole (who is played by the same actress).  A big theme in the film is clearly sexual frustration/repression. I still can’t figure of why Alex’s hair goes grey throughout the movie and why no one seemed to notice though.
One of the more memorable scenes for me was when homicidal Alex gets stabbed in the stomach by a gang member. His stomach transformed into an opening with teeth and ate the gang member’s hand. That stomach mouth thing looked a lot like a vagina (the most nudity in the film) and the gang member just laid on the ground yelling and bleeding out of his stump.
Now on to the awesome parts! The last 15 minutes of this film were so epic.  Lori stabbed a clever into Alex’s neck, stabbed him with a fork, disemboweled him, cut off his hand and beheaded him. All of this action took place on a floor that looks like a chess/checker board. After the disembowelment, Alex tried to scoop up his intestines (hot dogs and scrambled eggs) and shove them back into his stomach and when she finally cut off his head we saw some more eggs and hot dogs fall down around it. The best part of the final battle was when his little brain decided to crawl across the floor. I was impressed by both the complete lack of budget available for the special effects and by how wonderful they turned out anyways.
Anyone who claims to be a fan of B horror movies should really see Slime City.  I know I didn’t actually discuss the slime at all, but I can assure you that there is a lot of slime and it is glorious. I give it four scooting brains!

Bobi Lobotomy:

I thought there would be more slime. More blood wouldn’t have hurt either. To me, the entire film is made worthwhile by the last ten minutes. The acting is, surprisingly, not bad. It makes the film more watchable but loses points in the comedy department. Normally, that isn’t an issue but for being billed as a horror comedy it’s severely lacking in funny. The first and only time I laughed was during the last ten minutes. I’m tempted to think that the budget only allowed for ten minutes of awesome and eighty minutes of eh. Overall, Slime City has its charms but it’s not my favorite.

Mary Huner wears a very distracting wig when she is playing Nicole. It’s so distracting in fact, that I didn’t realize she was also playing Lori until after the movie. She looked a bit like a low rent, goth Cher impersonator. Maybe this was one of those jokes the film was supposed to have.

Slime City’s body count is four and an arm. We’ve got a bludgeoning, a slashing, a head bashing, stomach vs. arm bite-off and a decapitation/partial dismemberment. The film really shows what it can do when Alex’s stomach bites the arm off of a gang member. That scene really gives you a good, slimy mouth full of what the finale is serving up. My favorite scene in the movie is when Lori slashes Alex’s stomach and disembowels him. Part of me wondered what happened to the mouth that just ate some guy’s arm. When hot dogs and scrambled eggs came spilling out of the wound, all slights were forgiven. Then when Alex stoops and tucks all the hot dogs and eggs back into his stomach, I was finally won over. I won’t ruin all the finale has to offer, rest assured it’s worth waiting to see. I give the entire film two scooting brains but the finale gets five.

Holy Tomato! It’s Terrorvision

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Stanley Putterman is installing a new satellite dish for his “pleasure palace”. The dish salesman is no help and things are going poorly when the dish is struck by ‘lightning’. Actually, the lightning is space trash in  the form of pure energy. Putterman’s dish is now working and home to a ravenous space monster.

With the dish setup Stanley and wife, Raquel head out for an evening of swinging. Daughter Suzie heads out with O.D., W.A.S.P.’s biggest fan. This leaves son Sherman at home eating lizard tails and watching monster flicks with Grandpa. Elvira rip-off, Medusa is constantly interrupted by the actual monster trapped in the signal.

After a little technicolor lightning, our space friend has eaten the dish repairman and Grandpa. Sherman calls the police and Medusa but neither believe that a monster ate Grandpa. When Mom and Dad come home with their swing partners, they lock Sherman in Grandpa’s survival bunker. Sherman learns the monster can take the form of anyone he eats. However, the alien is hungry again and all four adults become monster chow.

Shortly after Sherman blasts out of the bunker, Suzie and O.D. drop in. Again, poor Sherman is met with disbelief until the alien manifests. The alien chases the kids through the house until the sight of O.D.’s studded wrist band reminds the space puppy of his former master. The kids start to treat the monster like ET, showing him the joys of food, music and television. Suzie and Sherman call horror host Medusa once more to try the get the alien on television. A knock on the door and a lack of commercial free programming lead to the end of O.D. The knock on the door is an officer coming to arrest Sherman for making crank calls, the monster swiftly deal with him.

Suzie and Sherman arm themselves from Grandpa’s bunker. They receive a visitor in the form of the alien sanitation technician responsible for their predicament. As he is explaining how he can help, Medusa arrives and kills him, thinking she is helping. The alien eats them. Taking Medusa’s form, the monster catches a ride back to the studio with her driver.

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Bobi Lobotomy:

To me, Terrorvision is, almost, that perfect fusion of consciously campy and accidentally awful.
The family is a bunch hapless, nearly endearing, idiots. Think the Griswolds meet ET with an
eating disorder. Everyone is more caricature than character and each more over the top than
the last. All of this is ok, Terrorvision is neither serious nor frightening and it doesn’t set out to
be.
Terrorvision’s theme song should be enough the let you know what’s coming your way. ‘I dance
by the light of the t.v. screen… I watch the Medusa’s eyes turn green but my own reflection I’ve
never seen’. The cheesy sound effect that accompanies The Hungry Beast pinballing through
space should be your signal to cut your losses now or cross the point of no return. Then we
meet the family: Grandpa spends his days downtown handling out literature about lizard tails as
a self sustaining food source, Mom is desperately trying to do her work out routine in heels, Dad
dresses like Disco Stu, Suzie looks like the bastard offspring of Cyndi Lauper and Rainbow Brite
and Sherman dresses like a mini commando and is under psychiatric evaluation. Grandpa and
Suzie are easily the most amusing. However, we spend the most time with Sherman, while not
unsympathetic, was the most overacted and hard to choke down. Although, there is something
to be said for being the most unbelievable character in a movie about a blood thirsty, mutant
space dog. Outside the family we have: Not-Elvira, Medusa, hyper-sexual, late night horror host
and O.D. Reily, Suzie’s none-too-bright boyfriend, looking something like a scarecrow made of
spare parts of Motley Crue.
Notice I’ve said little about The Hungry Beast? All the other character upstage him. He has
three eyes, a pincher thing and leaves a trail of slime where he eats. The Hungry Beast looks
like the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock, if Henson’s QC department was napping. All told, he’s
still pretty damn likeable, I didn’t mind when he ate the entire cast.
I’m getting long-winded, so I’ll wrap it up. There is no blood or gore in Terrorvision, only slime.
There are also no human breasts, just nudie statues and PG-13 wall art. Despite a body count
of twelve, Alisa remarked that it could be shown to children. I’m not sure I agree but I was
allowed to watch worse in my youth. Overall, I give it three and a half evil satellite dishes. Watch
it!

Alisa Ramone:

My initial reaction to TerrorVision wasn’t positive at all. I was way too over the top for my taste. All the characters were quintessential 80’s stereo-types on steroids and the plot was derivative at best. The monster (space dog) looked like it was created by a kindergarten class using Elmer’s glue (I’m impressed that he was somehow likeable though). The movie spends most of the time bouncing between surreal and stupid and the special effects were terrible (not in that good B horror movie way).

The Good

Nipple fountains are a good way to win me over! I loved the fact that almost every one of these atrocious characters was eaten by a space dog. Watching Pluthar’s head explode in his space suit was pretty amazing too. I loved Diane Franklin! She was wonderful! Overall, the best part of the film has to be the theme song – by a landslide.

Summary

I wouldn’t call this film good by any stretch of the imagination, but it was slightly entertaining at times. I do not, however, feel that it was the “good” kind of bad horror movie. I would give it two evil satellite dishes.

The Return of the Living Blog!

Alisa Ramone and Bobi Lobotomy here, reviewing the best (and worst) of the bad in horror. We are working from what we believe to be a comprehensive list of ’80’s horror. You’ll be getting the worst the decade has to offer. Not everything will be from the ’80’s, be ready for anything we might throw at you.

The two of us rarely agree on what makes a bad film great. For both of us though, the campier the movie the better. Alisa does not care for werewolves (“I’m not worried about a giant dog”), robots or aliens. I don’t like sea creatures or slashers. We do, however, both like zombies, psychological horror and splatterific deaths.

We’ll be watching the classics and the not-so-classics. Everything from mainstream releases to bottom of the barrel Troma films. We have a back log of films that have been watched and need to be reviewed. Please feel free to send us your suggestions and comments.

So, why are we doing this? Alisa and I have recently discovered a shared love for all that is bloody, gory and tacky. Poking around the internet has opened up a world of laughably terrifying horror gems. Maybe we can open someone else’s eyes to the wonders of lousy cinema.